he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
