i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
