Plan B is the new Plan A
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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