Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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