Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
