Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
