You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
