There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize