drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
