Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(516): View more from New York

Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.

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(713): View more from Texas

You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".

Fav 8 3087 2237
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(812): View more from Indiana

It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.

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(407): View more from Florida

I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.

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(440): View more from Ohio

I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife

(440): View more from Ohio

My tits sealed my fate

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(408): View more from California

I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.

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(720): View more from Colorado

I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it

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(816): View more from Missouri

First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.

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