We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Let's paint friendship bongs
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
