im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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