Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(303): View more from Colorado

My hand turned me down

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive

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(206): View more from Washington

he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.

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(775): View more from Nevada

they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.

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(253): View more from Washington

Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.

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(313): View more from Michigan

At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?

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(419): View more from Ohio

laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.

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(803): View more from South Carolina

No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.

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