u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
How many fucks given?
0.12846
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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