I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
