You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
