he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
