This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Randomize
