Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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