As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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