i already hear my dad disowning me
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
