I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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