he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I believe in your delicious
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
