yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
