He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
