now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
