sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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