My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
false alarm, still single
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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