I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
