Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
We're using joints as your birthday candles
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
