I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
