Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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