I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Randomize
