I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
