Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
