Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
