hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
