Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
