I wish you could order shots online.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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