I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
