He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
