Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
