...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
