I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
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I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
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Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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