I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
