im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
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