her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
