you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
