he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
