What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
