just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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