You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
