just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
