Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
