I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
