your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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