He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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