Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
