last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
