Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
