she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
