It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
