hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
