just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
