plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
