You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Drunk is a universal language darling
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
