Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
