She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
