was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
