im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
