Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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