My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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